A friend of mine just broke up with her fella a few months ago. She was devastated, even though it was she who ended it. She’s getting over it now, but she has moments of doubt. Mostly because, like a lot of people, she doesn’t want to end up alone. I can relate to that feeling. I’ve written poem after poem about that feeling, actually.
I did a one-woman performance piece last Friday about dating and relationships that included not only poems, but also monologues and a healthy serving of self-depreciating comedy. Because lets face it, if I’m not laughing about it, I’m crying about it.
I’d rather be laughing. (see photo at right).
I invite you to laugh with me.
The truth is I’ve been single, for the most part, for the last eight years. Sure, I’ve dated, maybe even I’ve thought a few times that I was falling in love, but I haven’t called anyone my “boyfriend.” Sometimes it’s me who walks away, sometimes it’s them. In truth I’ve enjoyed dating all kinds of men. I like men. Older ones, younger ones, chubby ones, fit ones, artsy fartsy ones and super smart ones too. But the point is, ya get tired of waiting for “THE one” to come along. And at times I’ve railed at the powers that be insisting that I’ve been waiting my whole life. But really, this is the longest I’ve been single since I was old enough to date. (In my world that is fourteen).
It’s not that I’ve given up hope, it’s just that I’ve given up the idea that I require a romantic relationship to be a complete human being—to be a happy and fulfilled human being. I’ve done things in these last eight years that I doubt I would’ve done had I been happily married; My trip to Paris last June-all by myself-wandering about talking to strangers, for one…
…finishing the memoir, because honestly, I don’t write nearly as much when I’m having sex. And sex is awesome, but I have done that. I haven’t written a book. (until now). Mentoring kids at the Young Storytellers Foundation and my trip to Hawaii, touring colleges with my poetry show and working with the LAPD’s Detective Training Unit and going to the Kentucky Women Writer’s Conference, and attending my high school reunion (I skipped the 10 year because my then-boyfriend wouldn’t go with me!).
I could go on…but the point is, I love my life. Yeah, I’d like to share it with a partner. And I have faith that I will. And when I do, I will know who I am and what I like, because I've been given the time to find out. But for now, I’m single and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Which means I have overcome one of my greatest fears: I no longer fear being alone. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a great relief.