TOP 10 STORES MY MAMA LIKES TO TELL

1. The one about the time the FBI came to arrest her drug dealer boyfriend and she had a loaf of cornbread in the oven.
2. The one about how Johnny Carson told her she looked “medicinal.”
3. The one about how she met my Daddy when he came to repossess her car.
4. The one about how she was hired to be a blackjack dealer in Vegas but when the day came to go she just didn't show up.
5. The one about going to The Nutcracker when I was two and how I ran down to look in the Orchestra pit.
6. The one about getting high with Bill Clinton.
7. The one about how Waylon Jennings proposed to her.
8. The one about LBJ and Melvin Belli helping her get her kids back.
9. The one about how I rode around our living room on my tricycle taking orders for McDonalds and when one guest asked for a Big Mac, one Filet O Fish, a Quarter Pounder and French Fries, an icy Coke, one thick shake, a sundae and an apple pie I rode around and came back and handed him an imaginary bag and he said “What’s this?” And I said “It’s what you ordered stupid.”
10. The one about how she killed an alligator.