Saturday, March 27, 2010

Adding Insult To Injury

The best insults are creative and specific, like the best writing. Here are my top ten culled from a few choice pieces of literature, The Bulgarians, a fourth grade girl, and you.

10. You'll never be half the man your mother is. Oy.

9. Take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, sparky. From Mary Karr's memoir "Lit." God I love Texas.

8. Popasi me chmarne dlachitse. Serbian for: Graze on my ass hair.

7. Roses are red, violets are blue, trash gets dumped, and so are you.

6. Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea. Your grandmother used this a time or two. Sounds best with a southern accent.

5. Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai. Chinese for: Fuck the 18 generations of your ancestors. Seriously, does it get much better?

4. Thou craven elf-skinned beetle-headed reeling-ripe dew-berry. Take that Iago!

3. Elif air ab dinikh. A thousand dicks in your religion. Also your eye, your soup, etc. Leave it to the Arabs.

2. Yes but tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be ugly. A favorite of mature gentlemen everywhere. Of course this does give you something to live up to.

1. Afatottari. Or, if you are in Iceland: Grandfatherfucker.

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